Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Reflecting on the Bulls**t

There are several times the past couple months that I have said "I can't believe this is my life." I have meant that in several different ways because I have been so frustrated that I broke down and so happy that I couldn't stand it. 

I am not telling this story so anyone will feel bad for me or sympathize or empathize, I am telling it because sometimes our lives will take weird and horrible turns and we should never be ashamed. 

One could say that I'm an upstanding citizen. I obey the law (mostly) and try to do right by other people. Over the years I have been taken advantage of in several ways, but I still try to be a good person. 

As I was giving the officer the police report about my stolen handgun and believing that it was a person that was my best friend of many years that had fallen back into a life of drugs, in the back of my mind all I could think was "I can't believe this is my life." 

As I sat in my room at 3 am hearing my dog bark and grabbing a gun that a wonderful man loaned to me thinking that shooting my friend in a drugged up rage could be a realistic situation, I thought "I can't believe this is my life."

About a week later I was ready to move out of this house of horrors and as I am moving my things, more unsavory characters call my phone trying to pick up my friends things. As I have the cops come and am being threatened and told "I'm coming for you" all I can think is "I can't believe this is my life."

To change the tone a little bit, after I have everything unpacked and I lay down to my first night of sleep without worry I breathe out a sigh of relief. After I hung up my decorations and made a new home, had a glorious day of swimming and fun I couldn't help thinking "I can't believe this is my life."

I try not to judge people because they could be completely normal but going through a set of circumstances that they could have never conceived in their minds. Try to greet people with a smile or say that nice thing you might have thought but usually don't say-it could be the only smile they have all day.